Mike Staver's Blog

A Story from and about A Friend:

I usually don’t like cliches but this is a story that i think has a great lesson for us all!! ENJOY!!

This personal true story is too good not to pass along. It is a little long, but might be worth the read. On the morning of October 7th, 2007 after months of preparation and anticipation our wedding day arrived! The weather in Austin, TX, was beautiful that morning. The ceremony went according to plan. My Husband Tom and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire celebration of our marriage with our family and friends. All too soon it was time to head for the airport and take off for our honeymoon in Napa Valley. We flew from Austin to Dallas where we waited in the Admirals Club for our connecting flight to San Francisco. As we waited, we talked about how delighted we were with the way things had gone, what a perfect day it had been for both of us! We were having a blast! Happy, happy, happy!

We were very pleased that a few days before, our upgrades had gone through, so we were going from AUS-DFW-SFO First Class. We got to the gate just in time to board, and the gate agent instead of letting us board, said he had to talk to us at the desk. Uh oh, we thought, this can’t be good. His name was Brion. Brion could be the poster child for the absolute worst, most rude, hostile example of customer service either Tom or I have ever encountered in our lives. The problem was that there were 2 broken seats in first class and we had been bumped back to coach in a middle and window seat. No First Class means no food, and we had barely eaten all day, knowing we would get a meal on the plane. We were shocked, and disappointed, especially since Tom is Executive Platinum. Brion was totally hostile from the start, and well, it is hard to even describe how horrible he was other than to say Tom decided we’d better grab the tickets and board the plane, before he got even more mad and took them away from us altogether. ( gate agents can do this). So, we board the plane, both of us seething at the disrespect and hostility that had been delivered to us by Brion.

As we are taking off, my wonderful new husband Tom was struck by an idea. He decided that we had to do something to turn this negative situation and feelings around, and to put our happy day back on a happy track! We discussed his idea… and decided it was the thing to do. As soon as we were airborne, and the flight attendants were up, Tom rang the call button. When 2 flight attendants came over to talk to us, we explained what had happened to us, and Tom handed her his credit card saying that it would make us feel better if we could continue our celebration, by buying a drink for anyone in coach that wanted one. Their jaws dropped open, but they assured us that though they had never done it, they certainly could and would. The First Class attendant went to the front and made the announcement. She told the whole plane that Janet and Tom in 19 E and F had just gotten married that morning, been involuntarily bumped from first class, and wanted everyone in coach to join in our celebration, and “feel like” they were in first class by offering them each a drink. Everyone cheered! All of a sudden we were the celebrities on the plane, and many came by to congratulate us, thank us, and wish us well. Talk about turning negative energy into positive, there is nothing like offering a round of drinks to 150 people to turn things in a hurry!

The flight attendants immediately brought me a sandwich and some champagne, thank heavens, I was starving! Everyone was happy and having a good time.
A little while later, the flight attendant gets on the loudspeaker again. She said they had done a little research on us, and found out that Tom was Executive Platinum, I was Platinum, and that our money was no good with them on that day. The drinks in honor of our marriage would be paid for by American Airlines not us. Another big cheer throughout the plane! Everyone was happy, and AA got a great PR play out of it.

Isn’t this a great story? Well, it is not quite over yet. This last part may be more appreciated by the other frequent fliers among us. As we are taxiing to the gate, the flight attendant comes on one last time. She said that they all knew Tom and Janet by now, and congratulated us one more time on walking down the aisle that day, but she thought we deserved one more walk down the aisle before the day was over. She asked everyone on the plane to please, when we got to the gate, remain in their seats until we had a chance to take that final walk! Tom and I are looking at each other whispering, yeah right, this will NEVER happen. How many times have we been on late flights where they beg people to let those with tight connections off first, and no one ever lets them, it is always a mad scramble for the front door. So imagine our surprise, when we pull up to the gate, the bell rings. and there is TOTAL silence on the plane. No one is moving at all. The girl sitting by us on the aisle, gets up to let us by, and we proceed to the front of the plane with everyone cheering us and wishing us well, and everyone (even first class) remaining in their seats until we pass!

So that is the end of the story. My new husband took our lemons and turned them into lemonade, not just for us, but for a whole plane full of people!

Things are tough out there right now and I thought this might be useful to review.

In challenging times, your success has everything to do with where your focus is. The brain is designed for only one purpose…to keep you alive!

Any time the mind feels threatened, it wants to focus on that threat. This makes sense if the threat is a hungry saber tooth tiger lurking outside your cave, but not so much if it’s not a survival issue! Non-life-threatening challenges don’t warrant the energy we often give them.

I am not suggesting that you adopt a value of carelessness, but rather that you change where you spend your thought energy. Don’t minimize the reality of life’s difficulties. Do approach challenges with balanced thinking and appropriate focus.

I have found that people who do well in tough times are not necessarily the stronger ones or the smarter ones. Those who travel through the valleys successfully tend to have their minds set on certain things. Whether the challenge you’re facing is as simple as not getting a sale you really needed or as major as a death in your family, it doesn’t have to derail you.

Here are five things to think about when times are tough:

1. Family and friends are long-term; money is short-term.
2. One good opportunity will change the entire direction of your circumstances.
3. Spend 90 percent of your time focused on the opportunities and 10 percent of your time focused on solving the problem.
4. Focus on what you are becoming — not on what you are or on what you were.
5. Schedule a fixed amount of time each day to deal with challenges. Once that time is over, MOVE ON to the things that will move you past the challenging time.

Are New Years Resolutions Futile?

Let me save you some time. The answer it yes. Here’s why, if we chose to wait until the end of the year to make a promise to ourselves that is that important may I suggest that it just wasn’t ever THAT important. The list of “promises” we make to ourselves and then, in most cases, abandon weeks later is probably endless. The good intentions we have are often shadowed by the tendency to lapse into the comfort of the familiar. So seldom do most find their way to lasting and consistent change ESPECIALLY when it is placed in a moment of enthusiasm like the end of a year. This year I resolved to accept the fact that I don’t need any resolutions. Alright so I don’t want to be a downer so let me give you a couple suggestions. 

1. Clarify a single thing that, if you really changed it, would make a HUGE difference in your life
2. Identify all the pain that will result if you don’t change it. I mean ALL the pain.
3. Then identify all the gain.
4. Then ask yourself a simple question….is it worth it?
5. If no, go ahead and accept the pain and don’t complain
6. If yes, get busy doing something about it!! My support and thoughts are with you as you begin your journey

Happy New Year!!

Are You About Effort or Achievement? 

“Effort is admirable, achievement is essential,” I heard the fortune 50 CEO John Chambers of CISCO Systems say just before I went on to speak. I could have just stood up and said, “well that just about sums it up folks….thanks for coming!” I didn’t of course but he did pretty much say it all in that small sentence. I am so so tired of our culture getting softer and softer around achievement. It can be fairly said that the pendulum has swung far too far in the “well at least they are trying,” direction! Trying doesn’t get it done. Every kid on the team DOES NOT deserve a trophy because they tried or just showed up, that’s just not the way the world works. May I suggest that we get back to achievement as a primary indicator of success. Granted achievement can be defined in many ways but just trying is not enough. At least you made the effort is not a compliment. It’s the thought that counts is pathetic weakness. To what extent do you sometimes hide behind the “at least I tried,” excuse? How often do we feel bad when everyone doesn’t feel good. It’s normal and necessary to fail, to miss the mark, to fall short. It’s what teaches us and allows our minds to stretch. Get back to feeling the strain and stretch that real achievement requires! Aggressively shed the need and desire to feel comfortable and get about achievement. Here’s how

1. Get clear about what achievement looks like
2. Set a measurable goal around it so that when the time comes you can have clarity around the achievement
3. Set the target at an uncomfortable reach/distance. Make yourself feel the stretch
4. Surround yourself with people that drive you and cradle you.
5. Develop intolerance for simply making the effort.
6. Go crazy celebrating when achievement is realized.

One of the challenges most leaders should  face is the extent to which they choose to collaborate on decision making vs deciding to just make the decision and hand it down. I was talking with a guy this morning that I have huge respect for. He owns a company marketing company and is incredibly creative. He had done some work for me on a new tag line. When I asked him if he thought I should just make a decision or “shop it around” he said maybe only ask one person what they think. He said that often by the time creativity is subjected to the massess however great or small it is usually diluted. Leadership, parenting, etc is all about balancing the two. Over collaboration is inefficeint as it takes to long and is often burdened with dilution. On the other hand being too authoratative alienates and excludes people. It is not an either proposition it’s an and proposition. It’s about balancing both. The collaborative leader with a countermeasure of being authoritative is key to good decision making and progress. Ask yourself this, where do you tend to lean? What type of communicator are you and how does that effect those you influence? Maybe it would be a good idea to pay attention to that the next time a decision has to be made.

I just finished “Anti Cancer” by David Servan-Schreiber MD PhD. It is by far one of the best books I have ever read….and I read a lot of books. It’s great because it is personal and profound, aristic and scientific and it chronicals a Physicians journey with cancer and what he discovered about health and life. He learned about how to beat his cancer and how to live in the context of his world. I was not a fan of nutrition and wellness books. I knew of its importance but i found it less than compelling. Recently I heard a speaker that changed all of that and then went on a journey to find something that made sense and was compelling. I don’t have cancer and hope I never do so i was surprised at how gripping and relevant his story is and how it motivated me to alter several behaviors. I am hesitant to endorse work by authors i am basically unfamiliar with but in this case you must read it. It could save a life. I came across the book by accident or perhaps it was no accident at all. As it turns out three of my friends are currently surviving with very traumatic cancer diagnosis. I am very interested in how our bodies respond to this horrific illness. We make choices every day that, in large part, have a direct impact on our physical, emotional and spiritual health. OK so most people understand that, i certainly have understood that for many years. My frustration has always been that I really wasnt informed enough to understand which choices REALLY make a difference and which ones are just nice to make. In Anti Cancer I was challenged to make new and productive life choices not because he admonished me to but because he models it in his choices throughout the book.

How about you? What choices are you making every day? Are you living with the clear understanding of the consequences or your choices? I am a healthy adult male who understands that there is no guarantee that my health will last. i implore you to make small life altering decisions, today. Be mindful of what you put in your mouth, in your mind and in your spirit. It matters, it really does!

Leo Ardine is the CEO of a successful credit union in New Jersey. It would not be overstating it to say they have weathered considerable change in the last year.The turbulent financial services world has brought excruciating pressure to bear on his organization. In the midst of the chaos he charged a group with clearly articulating where the business needs to be focused. It was refresing to hear that this group did not identify the typical stuff but rather focused on two things….two things I might add that are not always typical of financial institutions. The first was preserve capital the second was build an entrepreneurial spirit at all levels in the organization. Now the work moves to identifying the specific behaviors that those goals demand.

Many of us are good at identifying some nice sounding goal but often we find it difficult to clearly articulate what it LOOKS like in practice. Bravo to Leo and the team for not only indentifying key focus areas but for pursuing clear behavioral indicators so that their progress can be measured.

In your business and personal life to what extent are your goals and ideas clearly measurable in behavioral change?

My colleague and friend Jeff Siegel is a meeting planner. Like most meeting planners he is thorough, focused on the client and very detail oriented. I was impressed right away by how effective he was at bridging the gap between a customer he knows well and me, a speaker who the client had never worked with. What i was most impressed about with Jeff came as the result of a very casual conversation about a business he has started. He shared his idea and dream with me about it and asked that i give some thought to it and then share with him any counsel i may have. In a sentence or less let me share with you what he is doing. Jeff started a company called Relationtrips that inspires and helps parents connect on a profound level with their kids by creating meaninful adventures in travel. Not just some hokey trip to an amusement park but a fully involved adventure where kid and parent are actively involved in planning a journey complete with logos, themes, etc. Here’s the coolest part………..Jeff and his son Spence came up with the idea while watching a sporting event on TV. Jeff and Spence have experienced relationtrip after relationtrip and can entertain you for hours with stories from the road. What an impact they have had on each other. At the core of it all is Jeffs’ commitment to help parents and kids connect and learn about each other in significant ways without forcing the kid or the parent into some kind of contrived relationship. We could all learn alot from Jeff and his idea. I am very moved and impressed by his willingness and ability to share what he and spence have built with the world. If you get a change go to myrelationtrips.com. It’s in its infancy but I am sure Jeff would love to hear from you!!

Leadership is simply the power and willingness to influence. Great leadership doesn’t require lofty positions. Leadership is the degree to which you are willing to influence those around you. The key to great influence is what you value. What are the values that you hold as most important? To what extent do you exercise your influence in places and in ways that make a difference and are aligned with your core values. You can’t influence others if you aren’t clear about that. Allowing “other” things at work and in your life to get in your way can easily sidetrack you. Most organizations start to get into trouble when the leaders of those organizations begin to compromise their values. I see many organizations that say they are committed to leading in alignment with their values but when push comes to shove they will sacrifice those values in service of the bottom line or some top producer they are afraid to make mad. If there is unrest in the organization where you work or in your life personally I can guarantee you there is a values conflict. It take courage and heart to be true to what matters. If your organization is not living in alignment with a set of sound core values, profit won’t fix it, new offices won’t fix it, happy board of directors won’t fix it and pretending won’t fix it! The only thing that will fix it is courage. Courage to do whatever it takes to live in alignment with your core values. If you are a leader of an organization do your people the service of rigorously adhering to the values. If you don’t have them identified get a group together and identify them. If you do but they are just a nice poster on the wall get busy establishing a plan for full and rigorous implementation. Here are the steps:

Answer the following questions

1. What do you value most?
2. How do you know?
3. What are you going to do to drive those values into the organizations culture or deeper into your daily life?

If you are in an organization that is not values based and is not living by a clear and purposeful set of values then:

1. Determine how much energy you are willing to invest to change it.
2. If you aren’t willing to do anything then ask yourself what you must be valuing to stay there
3. Find ways to invest energy in places where you are living in alignment with what really matters

I am amazed at how PDAs have taken control of our lives like some kind of cult. Recently I asked that people turn off their blackberries in a session I was doing. Not for some egocentric, want all the attention on me reason but to help them experience the anxiety involved when they can’t look at it constantly. The response at first was, “it’s no big deal, I can do that easily.” But as the session continued and we took a break the first thing they went for was their PDA. I was not talking to transplant surgeons or any kind of Dr. Have we really gotten to the place where we are so in need of “connection” that we cant be still for just a few minutes? I laugh because as i write this my blackberry is next to me. The red LED light is blinking and i can feel the urge to check it. I am certain it must be the president sending me a text to ask my opinion of the health care bill!! Yes, I am afraid we all are slowly moving down the overconnected path. If a guy in the Atlanta airport MUST answer his phone while at the urinal we have a problem. When my 18 year old step son can’t focus long enough to have a 10 minute conversation because the volume of texts is so huge he is compelled to respond then perhaps we have gone too far. I am all for technology and all for staying connected but perhaps true connection can happen when we turn off some of the noise.